Sep 4, 2024

sometimes I feel awfully depressed

by the world that need to be escaped from

Sometimes I feel awfully depressed. And as absurd as it sounds, in such moments, I calm my nerves with a lollipop.

Had a bad day at school? No problem. Had a fight with your friend? Nothing to worry about. There's nothing that a lollipop can't do. It has become my sole confidant.

It's been a while since my social life got fucked. My best friends, J and R, and I, were a trio, now separated. We don't get together that often except for calls. My online friends, friends with whom I was particularly close to; all of them busy in their own stuff.
It is a busy world, and for the first time in my life, I could certainly say so.

School. The testament of bullshittery. Count me as a school hater, I don't care. I don't believe there's any point of schools except the social factor. And that too becomes mundane sometimes.
Not accomplishing anything, not knowing anything, not understanding anything, not moving. I could come up with 50 words about "school" that all start with an "f": frivolous, foolish, fucking hell...

And so came the lollipops, helping me in numbing the pain, or the harsh feelings that come with the daily life. In hindsight, the lollipop is my healthier version of the cigarette. Why waste a lung when you can have the same feelings of escapism and comfort with a lollipop?

And c'est la vie. There's not enough profanity in the world which can ever compensate for the world's pure brutality. Oh, I used to be a really happy kid/boy/man/child. Now I am busy meeting demands of that unseen force, suffering without cause. What changed? Everything.

Sometimes I feel this pressure on my face. I feel like actually bursting to tell all of my peers and teachers and whoever the fuck wants to hear, that I never wanted things to turn out this way and that I don't belong here at all.

Yes, though I am living a paradoxically complacent life, I wasn't supposed to be here. I never came to terms with it, never accepted it.

And so, I comfort myself, by doing the things I love, and a lollipop.